Rules for Raising Kids

     I am going to stick my head into a noose and state that there are rules one should follow in a family when raising kids. I don't expect anyone to follow them all, all the time, but they make a good yardstick.  What makes me an authority?  Nothing really, except some real life experience and observation of other families.  Both their successes and their failures. I will state them in no particular order.  But, I do think they are all important.  If a family is following most of them all the time, and the rest at least some of the time, I think the family has a good chance to succeed. What I'm going to advocate flies in the face of a lot of so called child experts, who write books by the thousands for gullible parents to read, but having never actually raised a child themselves, they teach a permissive style of parenting based on their studies at liberal universities.  As a result we have a spoiled "me first" mentality among the current crop of young people, who think they are entitled to everything from society.  

* Recognize that the parents primary responsibility is to raise children to be responsible, independent adults.  Someday the child will grow up and be on their own.  If you have not prepared the child for that, then they are in deep trouble when that time comes; and it will, whether we like it or not. Letting the child be overly dependent on the parents is not doing them any favors.  The parent is just enabling the dependent behavior. They are going to become adults; that should guide the parent relationship to the child throughout their formative years.  One of the things to remember is that you are their parents, not their friend or buddy.  They will have lots of friends, but only one set of parents. 

*Never make a threat you don't  carry out. Be careful with your threats for bad behavior.  Too many threats not carried out makes them absolutely useless.  The child just learns to ignore them, knowing full well that they will never be implemented. If you threaten to ground a child of a period of time for bad behavior, then do it if the behavior isn't corrected. Never, ever make a threat you can't or wont follow up on. So be careful what you threaten. 

* Have fun together as a family. Go to the beach. Have a picnic. Go to a theme park. Whatever. But, the whole family should participate in an activity that everyone enjoys. Often.  And, leave the IPads, Gameboys, cell phones, etc. at home. This must be a family activity. And having someone in the family sitting playing on an electronic device, or Dad checking his messages constantly isn't going to cut it.

*Meals are family affairs. Not every meal can be a sit down for the entire family because of conflicting schedules, but one meal of the day, preferably the dinner at night should be treated as a requirement except in extraordinary circumstances.  That means when dinner is served everyone sits at the table and eats.  And, nobody leaves until the meal is over. This is the time to catch up on the families day.  Conversation is a must.  No IPhones, etc. allowed.  Dinner is not the place to criticize; it should be an enjoyable time of day for everyone. It doesn't matter if it's a home cooked meal, microwaved TV dinner, or take out, it should be treated as a family activity. 

* Never order a child to do something you don't intend to enforce.  When the child is doing something that is not permissible, for whatever reason, then they should be taught that the failure to obey the order  to stop carries punishment. "No" should always mean "No".  There should be no confusion in the child's mind that you don't really mean it. Again, don't be over controlling.  But, the child tearing up the house, running into the street, making a nuisance of themselves in public, or similar dangerous or destructive behavior should not be tolerated. 
*Never let a child play one parent against another. That is a tactic that will be tried.  It always has been and always will be.  Kids aren't dumb, they're quite smart.  If they find they can get their way by that artifice, then they will. Don't let them get away with it.  Critical decisions should be jointly made by both parents.  Failing that, I suppose one of the parents has to step up and make all decisions; not a good approach.  But, you can't let the child play their game to get their way.
*Show an interest in your child's education. In this modern world advanced training and education is a necessity.  Always encourage your child to do well in school.  Be interested.  What are they studying? How are their grades?  What do they seem most interested in, and video games don't count?  Not every child is destined for an academic future requiring a college education.  We need skilled craftsman almost as bad as we need engineers. I believe there is something out there for everybody.  You should help the child to find theirs. The parent should try their best to nurture a love of learning in the child.  You wont always succeed, but you have to try. 
*A child requires age appropriate limits.  There should be limits placed on the amount of freedom a child is awarded during their pre-adult years. Times to be in at night.  Times to go to bed. Limits on the areas that are allowable for the child to go and so forth.  Be reasonable in setting these limits.  Get too restrictive and you might have a rebellion on your hands. They should be rational, and age appropriate.  At the same time, you must let the child untie the apron strings little by little. Again, the limits should be age appropriate. The child will use every tactic at their disposal to try to expand these limits. Listen, weigh the arguments and then make a decision based on your own, I hope, mature judgement.  But, remember this, breaking the rules brings on punishment; always.
   *It's not your job to entertain your kids. One of the lessons the child must learn is to be independent.  That includes learning to develop activities on their own.  "Mommy I'm bored" is not a signal for the parent to drop what they're doing and launch into a game with the child.
* It is generally not a good idea to kill your kid. I know that you sometimes feel that way, especially if you have teenagers and more especially teenage girls, but society doesn't look on that as being a viable option. Think it over first and try to come up with something more appropriate. 
  * Let the child know that he or she is loved. They should feel secure in their place in the family no matter what.  When punishment is being handed out the child should realize that it's for an act of misbehavior not for the child personally.